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Not What I Am Supposed to Write

I had originally set out to write about blogs I love on Fridays during the month of December, but that is turning out to be far more difficult than one might have imagined. First of all, many of the blogs I like are written by people I have come to consider friends, and I like them for different reasons. Picking three more of them and not picking others would just be an adult, blogging version of excluding people on the playground. Some of the blogs I adore don’t have much, if anything, to do with food. That might be upsetting to folks who come here looking for foodie talk and would be alarmed by my politics and/or religious views. Finally, as my friend claudia kindly and gently pointed out (I will tell you, since I’m already talking about her, that hers is a blog I love) that the first “blog” I wrote about, “One for the Table,” isn’t even really a blog.

For all of those reasons, and the fact that I am still not exactly in the pink of health, I am simply going to tell you five things about food that I experienced or thought about today.

  1. I had a buffet lunch today at which “cordon bleu” halves were served garnished with what appeared to be straw. Furthermore, the chicken resembled nothing as much as chicken nugget, and I believe that the Swiss cheese was “processed Swiss cheese food.” The chicken was abominable, and I still haven’t figured out the straw, unless it was a Christmas thing – the little Cordon Bleu asleep in the hay? (Edited to add: my husband has pointed out the strong resemblance between the putative Cordon Bleu and the mythical Hamwinkie made famous by Joel McHale of “The Soup.”)
  2. Coffee is bad almost everywhere except in actual coffee shops and in my own house and the homes of my friends who really care about coffee. It usually tastes, as my father says, like someone melted a brown crayon in a large pot of hot water.
  3. At a potluck the other night, someone brought pickle spears wrapped in mayonnaise and then in ham, cut into bite-sized pieces. That’s all I have to say about that.
  4. Some things just don’t hold up well on a buffet, and probably shouldn’t be served that way no matter how delicious the original recipe. These include greens with dressing, which become a bowl of wet, limp, flavored greens. Nuts or croutons in dressing or sauce; the croutons absorb the liquid and become hunks-o-sponge, and the nuts lose all of their crispness and taste like odd, unidentifiable bits of offal that fell accidentally into the salad.
  5. If your meringue could be used as Vibram foam soles in your grandmother’s “sensible” shoes, you would do better to make a different kind of pie. No one should ever have to struggle to remove meringue from their fork, upper plate or tongue.

About imagineannie

I feel like I'm fifteen - does that count? I'm lots of things, I get paid to be the Managing Editor for a local news publication, and I love my job. I am also inordinately fond of reading, animals (I have four), elephants, owls, hedgehogs writing, tramping in the woods, cooking India, Ireland, England, avocado toast, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Little Women, Fun Home, Lumber Janes, Fangirl, magic, Neil Gaiman, Jane Austen, YA books, not YA books, classical music, Salinger (OMG SALINGER), Brahms, key lime pie, indie music, podcasts, sleeping in, road trips, marmalade, museums, bookstores, the Oxford comma, BBC, The Miss Fisher Mysteries, birdwatching, seashells, kombucha, and stickers. Not a huge fan of chewing gum, jazz, trucker hats or dystopian and/or post-apolcalyptic fiction (but I'll try anything).

10 responses »

  1. nice blog.
    i like to read it.

  2. Annie,
    This is fabulous. Thanks for the laughs! I think I loved the lines about coffee and picking meringue out of upper plates the most, but it’s so hard to choose. All this, and with you feeling so awful! Hope it’s not too terrible and goes away soon.

  3. Pickles. Mayo. Ham.
    No wonder you aren’t feeling well.

  4. julfan, thanks!!

    Ricki, I’m already getting better. Must have been the meringue. 🙂

    greentuna, I only had half of one to be polite, but it definitely didn’t make me feel good….

  5. pickles? mayonaise? ham? oh my heck!
    my homemade half sours wouldn’t even stand up to THAT!
    some peoples children!

    glad you’re on the mend!

  6. Thanks, jayedee! By the way, I saw my nominations and I was SO touched that you thought that much of my blog. I don’t think I’m clever or flashy enough to compete over there (well, clearly I’m not) but it means the world to me that you thought I deserved consideration.

  7. too many http’s in your links to those “other” blogs – so you can’t get there from here!!!

    loved the coffee analogy – so true.

    pickles in mayo and ham? why bother. gross.

    bad cordon bleu is cordon blue.and is disgusting

    bad merinque is disgusting

    soggy nuts = disgusting

    who are these people??? i don’t know them but it appears there are more of them than us…

  8. claudia, I fixed the links – I get in trouble when I’m in a hurry b/c the “insert link” thing already has “http://” in it. Thank you!!!

    There are MANY more of them, and in many cases they are being paid to cook while we are not. Why is that?

  9. yes i use wordpress and it fills in that http thing and i always have to backspace… annoying.

    i try to never ever go where people like THAT cook. it is maddening…but you are steeped in kid/church world and get out more than me… it’s scary out there.

  10. The server of the cordon blech was actually the faculty club of the university that’s here. They really can cook when they concentrate, and I’ve had some fine meals there. The buffet thing, however, seems to baffle them. It is like going to The Old Country Buffet (where I’m sure you have never been) only four times more money and with white tablecloths. Its true; kids like that kind of cr&*p, and church ladies at my church seem to enjoy producing it. You are much better off in your house making delicious fish dishes.


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